ryborg.0catch.com


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Another Trip to 99 Cent City! Crazy Chinese items galore!



A pathetic fan desperately attempts to impress me; fails



Completely insane emails from people I don't know: Logi-Tech Limited



Lame AIM - Volume Five: Fatasses, RPG nerds and Bon Jovi fans



Stupid/Ugly/Inexplicable Buffalo Bills shirts



eBay Morons: The Patrick Rosner Files



Fast Break: Wow! Everyone's favorite HIV+ athlete!



ryborg.0catch.com celebrates its first birthday/anniversary!



Yet another field trip; this time we visit Florida (again)



Ryborg's Family Photos: Volume Two! Forget Volume One



A field trip to the local dollar stores. 27 amazing pics!



Ryborg's Variety Pack 1: Garbage pickers, Sonic and more!



Halloween in April: I am Sonic. Extreme photos!



The "Coach" book, featuring Jerry Van Dyke's manboobs



High-Resolution photos of scary people I don't know



AIM Profiles: Volume 4: Nazis, Goths and other human waste



Cover your eyes! Ryborg's Family Photos: Volume One



Ryborg's Story Pit: The Fun German Halloween Party



Yes! Even More Lame AIM profiles: Volume 33 1/3



eBay idiots galore: Volume One (of 412,923,952)



Raid 2020: Drugs don't kill people; flies and tomatoes do



Earth Destroyed! Jonathan Eller named King for Life!



An email from ALF: Cease and Desist! Or else!



More Lame AIM profiles: Volume Two: My God, These Suck



Lame AIM profiles: Volume One: Finally, It Begins



Burger King's new menu items: HOLY FUCKING SHIT



Classic IM Conversations: Kingpoops & Mrs. Earl



Keepers!: Finally, a cereal for the fisherman in all of us



Elk Trader: Where animals are bought and sold like used Chevys



Touchdown Fever: Baseball Stars' alcoholic half-brother



Wheel of Fortune: The senility has sunk in


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Bootleg Non-Blog

9/4/04
If you've ever sent me an email about purchasing the child's Sonic the Hedgehog costume, you might want to check this out. I know you're out there.

1:44am


8/20/04
You may notice some subtle changes to the main index page. Image borders were eliminated, making this site look less like it was designed by a blind infant. Special thanks to Josh Coad for the HTML tip.

3:09pm


8/4/04
After a too-long hiatus, check out the new Ebay Morons article. It's all about morons who lust for NES equipment but haven't quite figured out how to read. Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, I added some Q's to the Every Question Ever section. Can you guess what I've been doing the last month?

3:28am


7/26/04
I finally got around to posting every ebay question ever. Basically, it's a log of every single "Ask Seller A Question" I've gotten from potential and actual customers. Some are funny, some are serious, all are real. Pack some cereal and a sleeping bag, because this is LONG.

3:44am


6/9/04
Well, I finally moved the pics from most of my high-traffic articles to a real photo host. This will save on bandwidth greatly and allow more and more people to successfully view this page. Some days I get close to 200 hits. Who the hell is reading this? I demand email! It took effing forever to get the pics transfered, mostly because I didn't have them saved locally, so I had to download them individually from 0catch, then upload them right back to my photo host. Thankfully, the hardest parts are done. Even though I checked it twice, if you see any broken links, let me know.

In other website news, ex-Bona-roomie-Eric's friend Jaron had a link to my site on his own, but promptly removed it recently. Clearly, this means war, and I have pre-emptively taken down a link to his site on mine. I will not give anyone the address, so you can promptly not read his amusing rants.

Many stories are damn-near completed, including a voyage back to the dollar store and a fascinating story on how this ebay wacko tried to sue me. Until then, feel free to peruse old, classic stories without fear of eating up all my bandwidth, like my Family Photos. Lates, yo.

5:29am


5/15/04
New ebay morons, starring Pat Muller! Keen!

Gas is well over $2/gallon, and milk is up to $3. As a very frequent user of both liquids, I'm pissed. Remember how sweet the mid-'90s were? The economy was great, jobs were everywhere, and the rest of the world didn't hate the U.S. *as much*. Thanks a lot, Bush administration.

4:21am


4/25/04
New article. Sweet. Too bad I can't even see it to proofread until 3am because that's when the daily bandwidth limit resets. At least no one else can see it until then. If I missed anything, let me know, because there is a TON of links in this article. Well, let me know unless your name is Chris and your computer doesn't work.

I've already bitched about this to a bunch of people, but I'm putting it here for those who I haven't told yet. I went to see Kill Bill v1 at the cheap theater today and THERE WERE LITTLE KIDS in the audience! What the shit? Not just one or two, but several. I have pretty liberal views about parenting (probably because I don't have any kids), but taking them to one of the most violent movies of, well, ever, is atrocious parenting. Two or three rows back was this redneck family and they brought their kids, two of which were no older than 10. Towards the end, this one fallen Yakuza guy fell into a pool of blood, and the one boy seriously yelled out "Kool-Aid!" His 10 year old sister responded "No, stupid, that's blood!" Unreal. I know bringing the kids is cheaper than paying for a babysitter, but that doesn't justify it.

1:42am


4/19/04
Strange. I'm still here. I've totally exceded my monthly bandwidth limit, but my site is still accessable. When I check my Site Stats, it says I have negative bandwidth available, which doesn't make any sense. Look:

I still plan on increasing my bandwidth somehow, but now it's not as urgent. In the meantime, I'm almost done with two main page articles and of course stupid people are always sending me retarded ebay mail.

Anyone else seen the Target commercial for the new Modest Mouse album? What the hell? I've heard Modest Mouse in the background to car commercials before, but never an actual album advert. Is Target really reaching out to the indie audience? I'll still never shop there, but it's nice seeing a relatively unknown band I dig get some major exposure. Yes, I already have the album and no, it's not as good as their previous two albums. Still rocks, though, and better than anything on the radio.

Bonus photo of Viper in the kitchen sink with the water running!

3:12am


4/17/04
New ebay morons! Introducing Mike Deckers! Hooray!

Tomorrow (today, actually) will be the last day of this site being free for me. I am already up to my monthly bandwidth limit, so I will need to pay someone some amount of money if this site stays up. Thanks to amazing word of mouth advertising, I'm getting more and more hits every day. I can only imagine how many more I'd have if it weren't for that lame daily bandwidth limit. Once I get a paid site, there will be no more daily limits, pop up ads, or banner ads. About goddamn time, huh?

3:11am


4/09/04
The middle link works on the title bar now! Check it out.

5:21am


3/25/04
Yeesh, it's been a while, hasn't it? My friend Dave has been in town the last three weeks and I've been busy trying to keep him as bored as possible. He's gone now, along with his amazing board games and many allergies, so I'll actually be around to update this mess. Note the snazzy menu bar at the very top. Anyone have any idea how to get rid of the outline around the image that shows it's a clickable link?

Somehow, during this past month where I haven't updated a single thing, my site has been getting more and more hits. I've been reaching my daily bandwidth limit pretty early in the day, which means that I may have to get off my ass and purchase a real domain name. The more feedback I get from total strangers, positive or negative, will speed things up. In the meantime, look out for updates and new sections!

9:58pm


2/26/04
I guess I'm in a rush, so just read this and there will be more to come.

3:41am


2/3/04
God damn, writing that article took forever. That's the last time I write one of those!

1:16am


1/31/04
HOLY SHIT. Seriously, HOLY SHIT.

An excerpt:
"It is the method of Moses' salvation that constitutes one of the silliest and most comical events in the entire Bible. Somehow Moses' wife Zipporah has figured out that the lack of circumcision is the reason for God's frightening furor and for His intention to murder her husband. She wastes no time in remedying the situation in a way that conjures up some grotesque and disturbing images: "Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at [Moses] feet (Exodus 4:25)." It is perhaps unfortunate that there was no child welfare department in existence at the time, because Zipporah's actions would certainly qualify as child abuse. One would hope that an excuse like "I had to do it or God would have killed my husband," would be met with advice to seek serious psychiatric aid. Unfortunately, the Bible doesn' tell us how she managed to make Gershom sit still while she took hold of his penis and methodically tore the skin off the top with a "sharp" stone. One can rest assured that the stone didnít feel particularly sharp to poor little Gershom.

The silliness does not end there, though. Apparently the genital mutilation alone is not sufficient to appease God's persistent rage. The incredibly wise Zipporah also somehow divines that she must throw the bloody ex-foreskin at her husband while saying the words "Surely a bloody husband art thou to me (4:25)." Upon hearing this magical phrase, the Bible tells us, God decided that Moses could live after all. As the NIV puts it, "'Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me,' she said. So the Lord let him alone (4:25-26)."

The real story of the Exodus, then, is hardly flattering to God. His irrational homicidal frenzy over an uncircumcised child, His orchestration of mass murder in order put on a show, and His sanctioning of slave pummelling are hardly things that should lead one to the belief that this creature is the one true God of the Universe."

Read more!
6:57pm


1/29/04
It's officially been over two months since I last worked at a "real" job, which isn't that much, since my record is over two years. Thanks to the magic of ebay sales, I'm hardly in a bind for cash, but I wouldn't mind working somewhere as long as it pays well and the job doesn't involve shoving my hand up a sheep's rectum. Like millions of other people, I have my resume and contact info posted on monster.com, which is probably North America's largest job opportunity website.
I have a pretty good resume for a person who's never spent time in prison, so I get calls and emails quite frequently from places who would love to have me work for them. Of course they're willing to hire me, because the jobs always blow and they can't keep even the most strung out junkies to work there. More often than not, they end up being some kind of bullshit telemarketing job, which I want no part of. I've already had one telemarketing job, and even though that job was an insane laugh riot where no work got accomplished, it's not a career I'm interested in and it's doubtful I'll have an equally good time at another telemarketing place.
I someday plan on logging all of my crazy adventures at this telemarketing job I had, but here are a few examples of why that job kicked ass:
1) The manager we reported to was a massive pothead who didn't give a shit what we did or how we did it. He would take routine breaks to go behind the building and smoke up.
2) The computer system was easy to exploit, and with VERY little work, I ended up beating the system and leading my division in sales for July, even though I took off a combined two weeks for concerts, road trips and "sick" days. I still have the plaque saying how much I rule somewhere.
3) Everyone who worked there was my age or slightly older, except for this one old dude who worked so hard to work people over, but always finished last in sales because he refused to cheat. He also would wear NASCAR shirts during casual Fridays and Saturdays, even though that's not exactly what casual means in a business setting. No one cared enough to tell him this.
Anyway, I mention all this because I am now getting barraged with emails and calls from shit jobs. The emails are easy enough to ignore, but when it's a call, they're harder to avoid. So recently, I've been telling people that Justin isn't here if it sounds like a crappy job. It gets most people off my back, but it doesn't work as well when my mom calls. Here are two of the better job offerings I've been offered:

Wow. Nine to ten dollars a year. Sorry, maybe next time.

Cheektowage,NY? Waldon? Christ, you don't even have to live in this area to know that's spelled very wrong. It's supposed to be Cheektowaga, NY and Walden. How do you not know how to spell your work address? Why would any self-respecting person want to work at a place like this? With people like this in charge, it makes you wonder about the mental capacity of the min wage flunkie workers.

8:42am


1/24/04
I had the pleasure of being in the same Yahoo Pool room as this guy. His name is profilin_thug and his profile is HILARIOUS.

He was chatting up all the 14 year old girls, playing it real suave. What the hell do people like this get out of being in Yahoo game chat rooms for hours on end? And "picking up" underage girls? What is the matter with people? If his hobbies really are "Chillin, Racin, Bassin, Stylin, Profilin, Dancin and Romancin" wouldn't he, you know, be doing those things instead of playing Yahoo Pool for hours at a time? Bassin? Does he play bass guitar? And what the shit is profilin? Does he work for the census or something? I'm sure that pic is fake, the persona is fake, everything there is fake.

*doorbell ring*
(ten year old fat kid): Can EZ-Money come out to play?
(trailer trash mom): I'm sorry Jimmy, he's busy playing Yahoo Pool and reading Teen People. Maybe after his Cub Scouts meeting.

I had this fucked up dream last night that terrorists bombed the shit out of Buffalo and Rochester. I actually saw massive mushroom clouds driving on the 90, returning from a road trip of some kind. I turned on the radio (for some reason it was off....stupid unrealistic dream) and a national panel was wondering why the hell terrorists would bomb Western New York. When they couldn't come up with anything rational, aside from the terrorists being sick of fat ugly Ruso-French honeymooners all over Niagara Falls Park, they laughed and then so did I. It all made perfect sense at the time. Then I think some stupid cat woke me up. Fucking animals.
7:40am


1/18/04
Have you ever checked out my ebay Rules & Regulations page/FAQ? I giggle like a schoolgirl at some of these questions I receive on a daily basis, such as:

Q: "If you could give me any information on how to find stuff to sell on ebay besides garage sales I would greatly appreciate it."
A: Capcomsoccer does not give out trade secrets, especially about items Capcomsoccer is currently selling. Do your own research and come up with your own business plan.

What is the matter with people? Check it out sometime if you have half an hour to kill. Or, break it down into handy 10-minute bite size portions, one for each meal of the day. Or even break it down into 30 one-minute slices, one for every snack of the day.

If the Panthers and Colts don't win tomorrow, I'm going to kill myself, or at the very least, Steve Smith and Peyton Manning.


1/17/04
I recently realized that anytime I get a great idea or something similar that crawled out of the boiling, tarry vat that is my mind, I end up having this idea at some ungodly hour of the night, only to have it forgotten the next morning/day. Therefore, I decided to start writing them down here, so they can be logged and judged on their potential usefulness/importance some other time. The duller portion of my readers will consider this to be a journal, or more internet savvy, a weblog (blog). This is not the case, although I can't come up with any reasons why. Maybe later.

Either way, I'm not going to be the grammar/spelling nazi I am with actual articles here, so don't send me emails saying, "You misppelled narsacistic on you're websight," because if you do, I will hit you with a club, caveman-style. I'm writing this all on the fly, so there will be mistakes, so put your red pens and critical glances away. Some entries will be funny. Some will not be funny. Some will be absolutely pointless. All will be dated with the time at the end.

I'm really effing tired right now, mostly because the repair guy next door is always drilling or sawing during my regular sleep hours (7am-??). Before the neighbors got evicted last month, they must have had some interesting parties, because apparently, only constant sawing and drilling will fix the place up. How much sawing and drilling does one apartment require before everything is drilled down or cut in two? A lot, let me tell you. A fucking lot. The happy little noise of (use your nasalyist voice here) WWWHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHH has somehow invaded my dreams, when I actually can be asleep long enough to have them. I was dreaming about *something* yesterday and right smack in the middle of my dream was the noise. It made whatever I was dreaming evaporate and in a flash, I was awake. Thank you Eli Whitney, inventor of the electric drill.

I just ate the entire contents of a box of tuna noodle cassarole. To be more specific, Cheesy Pasta Tuna Helper. To answer your sarcastic question, yes, I did cook it first. That's five adult servings if you're keeping track at home. What the hell is wrong with me? Christ, that's a lot of food. What's a brotha gotta do to gain some weight around here? Normally I don't eat that much (of anything), but when you combine the tastiness of pasta, cheese, tuna and heroin, I'm all over it.
6:59am