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People who pissed me off on 5/14/04

The nonsensical Pat Muller (and mom) files (and more)

These first batch of emails are in reference to a top-loading NES Nintendo system I sold not too long ago. After shipping and all that, the buyer owed me $116, which is an acceptable amount. A brief note; I have no idea if Pat Muller is the kid or the kid's mom. They both signed their emails with Pat and had it shipped to Pat. Maybe she's Patricia and he's Patrick. Who cares? Stupid androgynous names. Oh, he/she also calls the system the "NES remodeled," which technically it is, but nobody calls it that. It's a "top-loader" or "NES-101." Nobody calls a keyboard a "typewriter remodeled."

I'm going to let the emails do most of the talking, because there really isn't much else to say or do other than marvel at the pure, uncut idiocy of these people.

Subject: NES remodeled Payment
Sent: 4/26/2004 6:52:37 AM

I'm so glad I won. I bid on one of these the same day I bid on yours and I was outbid, so I bid on your nes remodeled. I will be paying by money order and I will enclose the name of the item in the envolope. email me if you don't get the name of the item in it. i really need to get a paypal accout. How does paypal work? I might get an account and send you the money that way but I doubt it.
lmull324 (

Subject: eBay item #8101207720
Sent: 4/26/2004 12:11:43 PM


I just received notice from e-bay that we did not winn the NES after all. We lost by one dollar after haveing been notified that we had won. I must ask you to honor our sale. We have an e-bay confirmation as well as your personal one. We have already cut you a certified check and it is ready for mail. My son has pooled everything he owns plus sold other items to win this system. His heart is set on it. Please do not force me to make a formal protest. We will match the winning bid plus add $10. I beg you tomake good on your committment.

Pat Muller
lmull324 (

Subject: FWD: eBay item #8101207720
Sent: 4/26/2004 3:29:20 PM


I'm SO SORRY!!! Please ignore my attached original e-mail. I confused your transaction with another that my son was trying to secure. I have the certified check and it is in the mail.

Pat Muller
lmull324 (

WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Imagine opening your email inbox and reading those three emails in succession. When in the history of life has ebay EVER sent a winning bid confirmation for an auction that the user did not win? Ebay's had technical issues in the past, but this is bullshit. Plus, how do you not know if you've won or lost an auction? Just freaking look at it.

Let's ignore all this ebay fucking up nonsense for a minute and look at this scenario as a normal auction lmull324 just lost. There was probably a last second snipe bidder who bid a truckload just to insure that he won. This happens all the time for bigger ticket electronics. Losing to a sniper is never fun; I know. But there's no goddamn need to file a formal protest and whine. And just where are you going to file a formal protest? Are you going to leave a message on your Congressman's answering machine?

I love how she begs me (well, not actually ME, but someone who sold a top-loading NES) to make good on my commitment, as if I made one. Commitments are for married couples and fitness nazis.

What moron kid pools all their money, sells their own stuff and probably went down on a few priests to buy a top loader? Sure, they're a little better than the regular NES, but they still aren't worth ~$100. When you're a high school junior, you don't slave away at Burger King for a new Corvette; you pick up a Taurus or something similarly economical.

These things aren't rare, either. If you lose my or any other top-loader auction, big fucking deal. The exact same auction will be ending in a couple hours from another seller. Bid on that one. Christ, can you morons do anything right? It doesn't stop there, either. The retarded emails just kept on coming.

Subject: NES
Sent: 4/26/2004 4:15:45 PM

I'm sorry my mom sent that email about me not winning. She just wasn't paying attention to the particular bid. Anyway, I sent the money order with a letter with the item name and the item number on it. I also sent an index card with the item name on it. I want to ask you can you please give me enough feedback so I can unlock Buy It Now.
lmull324 (

Sent: 4/27/04 3:23:27 AM

What an odd email your mom sent! Does she know how ebay works? Just because you put a bid in doesn't mean that you won anything. People ALWAYS snipe (bidding with one second left) good auctions. I hope she doesn't follow through with her formal protest with the other seller because she has no legal right to do so.

Thanks for the update on payment. What you sent will be sufficient information. I will ship the same day payment arrives. I do not leave feedback for a bidder until payment arrives and I have been given feedback by them, however.

Time for some research. I checked out their bidding history and found out they bid on two top loaders mine and some other guy's. Turns out she did, in fact, lose the other auction by a last second bid. I sent the seller this email:

Hey, have you received any strange emails from a user named lmull324? She won a NES top loader auction from me, much like the one you sold, and is yammering on about how she actually lost the bid, but I should honor her losing bid (even though she WON). She said that even though she lost, she has a legal right to the item, etc...etc... Since she actually DID lose your item (by one of those great last-second snipes), I was wondering if she threatened you at all, too. I am interested in any odd emails she sent and I can forward the ones she sent me. Just curious is all. Thanks.
A fellow seller.

Hi,we did not get any emails from this person. Sorry you have to(we all have to)deal with these idiots than ruin the whole ebay idea. We have a very good feedback rating except for a few negatives all caused people like this. All you can do is block them from bidding on your items.

What? Pat Muller (or whoever) didn't even send the email at all? I'm assuming the guy above isn't lying when he says that she didn't send any emails his way. Why would Pat Muller spend three month's worth of thinking power to compose a threatening email and then not even send it to the right person, and when corrected, not even send it at all? I am truly baffled. Here's more:

Subject: RE: NES
Sent: 4/27/2004 6:34:28 AM

Whew! I thought you wouldn't ship because my mom insulted you. thank god. anayway I have been researching the NES Redesighned and I found out that it lacks a memory chip that stops you from playing game from other countries. Are any of the games that you are sending me from another country? does the NES have A/V Cord ports?
lmull324 (

This reminds me of one of my favorite Dave (HOFFCORP) ebay lines of all time: "You did your own research, but HOFFCORP did not ask for your results." Obviously this kid knows jack about the original Nintendo, because the included games were all phenomenally common and worthless. Yah, sure, kid, the copy of Mario/Duck Hunt I'm sending you is from Swaziland. Enjoy.

Subject: nes check
Sent: 4/28/2004 6:21:35 AM

when you get my check for the nes, email me. when you ship the nes email me
lmull324 (

Subject: nes delivery method
Sent: 4/29/2004 6:21:17 AM

what type of delivery are you going to be using to send the nes to me? are you using standard delivery, express, overnight?
lmull324 (

Overnight. HAHAHAHA

Subject: Re: nes delivery method
Sent: 4/30/2004 2:36:17 AM

Overnighting such a heavy package would cost ~$50. I use Priority Mail for all domestic purchases, which means your item will arrive anywhere from 1-7 business days, depending on how far away from Buffalo, NY you live. The Post Office and myself do not make delivery predictions.

Subject: NES CHEcK
Sent: 5/1/2004 5:57:44 PM

Have you recieved my check yet??
lmull324 (

Subject: Re: NES CHEcK
Sent: 5/2/2004 4:31:21 AM

Yes I have and I will ship first thing Monday morning.

Subject: NES shipped yet?
Sent: 5/2/2004 5:56:53 PM

since you said it would take 1-7 days depending on where i live. i live near Philidelphia, Pensyilvania so my theory is 3 days.
lmull324 (

*ignored because there is no new information to disclose. I already said I shipped*

Subject: Have you even sent the NES Yet
Sent: 5/3/2004 3:21:32 PM

You said you would ship it first thing Monday morning. When did you send it?
lmull324 (

*see above*

What a fucking whiner. It takes more than one day for an item to go from Buffalo to Philly. "Have you even sent the NES yet?" as if he doubted I was going to ship at all. Jackass.

Subject: NES is the best
Sent: 5/5/2004 3:56:52 PM

Thanks for the NES. It works very well, but the RF Switch was broken.(No Biggy) I left you feedback just 2 minutes ago. Please leave me positive feedback!!!
lmull324 (

Transaction over, right? Nope. This kid still sends me emails (the RF switch works fine, by the was tested before I posted). Almost all are completely inane questions about the system; stuff he could find out if he spent a second doing research on Google (a task I thought he completed already). An example:

Subject: RE: NES
Sent: 5/10/2004 6:27:30 PM

Remember the top load nes i bought from you last month? How old is it?
lmull324 (

Subject: Re: NES CHEcK
Sent: 5/10/2004 7:21:31 PM

I have no idea. They were only sold in stores for a few months. Maybe from 1993?

This was the last email I responded to, but I still get them every couple days. Most are just stupid little one-line emails asking if the system plays GameCube games or if he can marry his system. If anything interesting comes in, I'll share.

Sent: 5/9/2004 2:02:08 PM

Hello, Preshrunk? Shirt brand? EXACT chest (armpit to armpit with front pulled taut across) measurement, in inches, of THIS SHIRT? Please be accurate & precise. Would you be willing to ship via a less-expensive method (like, Standard or First Class instead of priority)? Let me know. Thanks.
fortunesfoe76 (

Sent: 5/11/2004 4:47:34 AM

Hello, EXACT chest (armpit to armpit with front pulled taut across) measurement, in inches? Please be precise. Let me know.
fortunesfoe76 (

Sorry, my name isn't Preshrunk or Shirt brand. I hate these people. Who does he think he is, using a tone like that in a question to a stranger? "THIS SHIRT." Really, you want the measurements of the shirt you're asking the question about? Thanks for the help, dipshit. I thought you wanted the measurements of the shirt I was wearing. Another huge pile of thanks for teaching me how to take measurements of a shirt. Wanna tell me how to eat my cereal, too? ("Pour milk over cereal in bowl. Use spoon to consume.")

What part of "shipping cost is non-negotiable" is so tricky to understand? Standard and First Class Mail are the exact same thing, but you wouldn't know that, would you, asshole? Welcome to my Blocked Bidder list. Enjoy your lifetime ban.

Please inform by E-mail ( delivery date.

I will vigorously seek full refund (including shipping/handling charges) if item is not delivered within 15 days from today or if item does not match description.
millennium123 (

Christ, another person with an attitude. This wasn't an email, but a note attached to a Paypal payment. Why would you say such a thing and why wouldn't you believe me when I said I'd ship the day after payment cleared? If you didn't believe that email, why would you trust the next one? I intentionally waited an extra week to ship, so I'd *just* make this person's 15 day waiting limit. I would have shipped the next day, but you know...

Have fun vigorously seeking the antidote to the deadly neurotoxin I sprayed all over your jacket.

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