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People who pissed me off on 8/4/04

The NES files (and more)

I have this deal on ebay where I sell 40 Nintendo (NES) games and if you win six or more, I ship them for free. International bidders must win 10, just to keep things fair for me. Seems reasonable and easy to understand, right? WRONG. These are apparently the most difficult-to-follow instructions in the world. These auctions, along with my NES system auctions always lead to a bloody floodstorm of idiotic and senseless emails. Enjoy.

Subject: Re: Donkey Kong Classics
Hello Justin,

I'm just curious as to why, by the heading on eBay, it states Free Shipping but the shipping is not free.

I will be paying with PayPals however I will wait for your response.
I don't mind paying for the shipping but the heading is false advertising which is illegal.

Bobbi
chubbafrog8 (chubbafrog8@yahoo.com)

Come on, how hard is this? I have the free shipping details all laid out in paragraph two, in a bold, red font. I responded with the simple, yet firm, "Read the item description." I was too busy to come up with a four-page response, and I also wanted her to pay, as she paid almost twice as much as I was hoping for. Otherwise, I'd egg on the lawsuit for "false advertising." Also, it's official ebay policy that your title is only an advertisement and the buyer and seller are only bound to the item description. You can't say whatever you want in the title, but as long as you explain yourself in the description, you're covered.

Can I choose 6 of your games up front and have them shipped for free. Without bidding on them and having you end the auctions, and I'd pay immediately. Just asking.
Thanks
lee_vc (leevancauwenberg@hotmail.com)

No. Are you kidding? Do you even know how ebay works?

No I'm not sure how ebay works. I've only been doing it for over 4 years. Maybe with your 8 full months of experience you could write a book about it. No need to be an ass about it. That's why it said, just asking. Typical attitude from the U.S.A.
lee_vc (leevancauwenberg@hotmail.com)

Oh, and before sending a reply, don't. I won't get it, you've been blocked out of email.
lee_vc (leevancauwenberg@hotmail.com)

Oh no! Blocked out of email! Not just HIS email inbox, but all email ever! How will I ever communicate with my customers?! Damn you, lee_vc!

But seriously, this guy's a douche. All of my NES game auctions start at $.99 and at the time of this email, only a few hours had passed and none of them had bids yet. Basically, he wanted to pick and choose six games at $.99 apiece and have them shipped for free. Not on my watch, asshole. Especially since the average price of this set of 40 was $4. Why don't I throw in a system or two, since I'm being so generous?

Lee_wc also made the logical error of equating time spent doing something to understanding it. Just because this one seller account was registered in '03 doesn't mean I haven't been selling since '98 (I have). And just because he registered in '01 doesn't make him King Ebay. Especially when he sells great items such as "600+ How To Manuals on CD-Resell/Make money + 2 BONUS'" and probably spent most of the early part of the G.W. Bush administration learning how to bid. Clearly, this person has mastered ebay and I don't know what I'm talking about.

Not only is lee logically bankrupt; he also can't read. He lives in Canada, and therefore would need to win ten games to earn free shipping. I know large, red, bold fonts can be tricky to read, but I'm sure one day lee will complete his PhD on Basic Reading & Following Simple Instructions.

This next set of emails aren't so much ignorant as they are bizarre.

Sent: 8/1/2004 4:10:06 PM

Hi, this is very urgent. I just realized that the country I am in, Iran, is banned from using paypal. I cannot access any funds to pay you at all. What i was hoping to do when I had bid on some of your auctions was to pay with paypal and have them sent as a gift for someone in the US. Well i can no longer do that, and I will not be in the States for a while. So, I am requesting, that you please, please, cancel my bids on some of your auctions. I am telling you this as soon as I found out about this ban, so please so do not assume that I wasted any time or that is I had known I would have still bid. Out of 8 auctions I bid on, only 3 (# might change!) remain with me as the winning bidder. These 3 are: Item number: 8120827946 (NES Little Mermaid) Item number: 8120824156 (NES Attack of the...) Item number: 8120822966 (NES Bart...) I AM VERY SORRY ABOUT THIS, TRULY. Please grant me this favor, that serves both our interests, despite the inconvenience to you. thank you very much.
habibjan (habibmanx@yahoo.com)

Sent: 8/1/2004 4:12:13 PM

hi, this email is explained in one I sent previously, so please do not delete it, as it is being sent slgihtly later than my previous one, and you will see it first without the full explanation provided in my other email. There is one more auction of yours I did not mention: Item number: 8120826074 (NES Double Dragon). I was mistaken in the last email, I apparently had bid on 9 and still remain the winning bidder of 4 of them. Please understand why these must be cancelled, I see no way around this situation (explained in my other email). Thank you.
habibjan (habibmanx@yahoo.com)

Sent: 8/1/2004 5:16:53 PM

HI, I have tried calling you several times now from Tehran, Iran to the number Ebay provided me for contacting you (in Chicago). However, there was no answer each time. I no longer know what to do. hopefully this will all turn out fine and I will be outbid. (please see my other emails as to the full details of my circumstances)Please understand that i have tried hard to do whatever is in my power. I once again apologize for not realizing sooner. Thank you for your time.
habibjan (habibmanx@yahoo.com)

Weird, huh? I love how the second email was sent IMMEDIATELY after the first. He made it seem like days had passed in between emails. These emails were all sent a few hours before the games ended and amazingly, he ended up not winning a single one. I was out all day and didn't read this until midway through the hour the auctions all end in.

He really did go out of his way to get my contact info as registered with on ebay, and people who know me will realize how funny that is. There's a reason no one picked up, Habib, but I'm not at liberty to divulge here.

does your kit include the duck hunt gun?
milkman5 (mrclean@magma.ca)

This may seem like a reasonable question, but it is not. You see, I clearly mention exactly what is included in every auction I post. I also make sure to include at least one, massive photo showing everything. There was no trace of the NES Zapper light gun or any light gun games (not even Duck Hunt, which he mentions for some reason). He may as well asked if a head of lettuce was included in the "kit." Not to mention he asked the Q with around 20 minutes left in the auction, leaving me little time to respond, even if I had been around to see it in time.

Does this game play on XP?
girlfishin (girlfishin@aol.com)

This Q was asked about an old PC game from 1988. If she can get her new computer running Windows XP to play old 5.25" floppy discs, more power to her. But I'm pretty sure she was asking if the game was specifically designed for XP, which I'm fairly certain it was not.

Hi, I just got Burbertime in the mail, and I was wandering if you knew how to change game speeds!

Thank you,
superbatmanninjaturtle
superbatmanninjaturtle (superbatmanninjaturtle@yahoo.com)

Normally, I would ream this person out for asking an impossible question about a non-existent game (I think he means "Burgertime"), but his screen name is just too good.

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