Ryborgís Family Photos: Volume One


By Justin Rybinski
2/12/03


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I write a lot of crap on this website, and I had an idea in between my eight daily bowls of grits this afternoon. I need to brush my teeth more than twice a month. Since thereís no way Iím doing that, Iíll make use of my second idea and post hilarious photos of my family and include various witty remarks where necessary! Enjoy!

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These are my parents. My mom is on the left. Theyíre quite a couple. One time my mom burned the roast on the day my dad brought the boss home for dinner, so my dad slammed her face on the stovetop to teach her a lesson. Dazed, but not down for the count, my mom jumped off the counter and landed her patented Gigantic Elbow Burst Death Punch on my dad. He responded with a chair to my momís kisser. The boss walked in and gave my dad a raise.


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These are my brothers. The two on the left are my younger brothers Nick and Leon, and my older brother Ted is on the right. What a playful bunch! Nick and Leon are always messing around half-naked. Ted likes to drink beer and only lets people photograph him when he is drunk.


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My grandpa Roberto and his illegitimate son Sandy also like to drink. See all of their drinking contest trophies! My family likes to joke about drinking to get away from the rest of us, like Uncle Carl on the bottom, who is having fun doing his usual Tuesday morning routine.


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On the left is Uncle Roy. As you can tell from his license, Roy is the North Tonawanda Lady Lumberjacksí ball boy. At 39, he is the nationís oldest active ball boy. On the right is my Uncle Frank. He looks scarier in real life, believe it or not.


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Two more uncles. I have lots of uncles, donít I? On the top is Uncle Doug. He goes around to various elementary schools as ďIgnorance BusterĒ Doug Lancaster and teaches students how to say no to ignorance. My mom says Uncle Larry (on the bottom) is wasting his life drinking and smoking all day. What does she know about fun, huh?


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On the left is my nephew, Matt. He has a terrible case of eczema, so he has to wear that mask of medicine 20 hours a day. His classmates understand and never give him any trouble for it. When heís not putting on his face medicine and taking off his face medicine, Matt is playing with his pet fish, Rosco, on the right. Rosco is a fun fish that can do many tricks.


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These are my grandparents. On the left is my Grandpa Walter learning how to read on his 65th birthday and on the right is my Grandpa Albert, Grandma Betty and their family. They donít know how to read, either. Itís a family tradition, I guess.


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This is the most famous family member I know of, my great-uncle Norman Hawke. He was a Hollywood writer/producer/director from 1940-1990. Iím sure you know all of his movies, but what most people donít realize is that he was the one who brought ďKiller Klowns From Outer SpaceĒ to Broadway in 1990. This was his final project and directed it under his favorite alias: Reginald VelJohnson.


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These two people arenít technically members of the family, but theyíre so close to us, we all consider them blood relatives. On the top is John Velour, who is the minister of First Methodist Church of Holy Eller, which is the church we have been attending for decades. On the bottom is Johnís assistant, Roger. He takes care of all the office work the church requires and is a hard worker. They come over frequently, and whenever they do, you better have your bibles ready because itís going to be prayer time!


Finally, here is the picture youíve been waiting for: yours truly, Justin Rybinski.

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