Earlier today, I was digging through the labyrinthine mess that is my computer when I found more family photos to show the world! For continuity's sake, please forget everything I said in Volume One of my family photos, okay? Or pretend someone else is narrating this, like, say…Joseph Stalin. If you don't know what Stalin's voice sounds like, use another dictator. Here we go…
This is my mom. She just got over a major stroke and can't close her eyes anymore. My dad still thinks she's pretty, and this is what he looks like:
If you want to see a photo of my dad having fun, click on the above picture. My mom wouldn't let me put it on the main page. You'll see why.
This is my brother Frank. His favorite musical artist is Marilyn Manson. I bet you can't guess why!
Here is my other brother, Nick. This picture is when he won the Spitchunk County Talent Show. Someday he'll be in movies, just like his hero, Corey Haim.
This is my uncle Jeff. He is a barber. Here, he is coming home from a long day of cutting people's hair. He says it doesn't pay much, but he enjoys doing it.
This photo is of my three aunts, Bobbie, Ricki and Sammi together in the steam room of their local health club. They're pretty, but not as pretty as my grandma, who you'll meet very soon.
On the left is my step-brother Oscar and his pet, Pedro the Hotdog. They've gone on many wild and wacky adventures together over the years. Unfortunately, one adventure left Pedro without the use of his pupils.
Here is a photo of my cousin Mike. He likes dressing up in women's clothing and going to "Pride Fairs." My mom always tells my other relatives that she hopes I don't turn out like cousin Mike. I don't understand why. He seems like a fun guy.
This is another one of my cousins. His name is Lyle and his eyeballs fell out during a horrible soccer accident. I just realized there are a lot of eye problems in my family.
My step-aunt Mary is a good example of what happens when you tease hungry crocodiles by dangling a sandwich in your mouth in front of them. She also has eye problems.
This is my second cousin Charlie getting ready for his wedding. He's quite a lucky guy. I'd show you a picture of his wife, but there are certain pictures I just can't display on the Internet.
Finally, forget what I showed you in other stories—this is what I really look like: