High-Resolution Freaks on the Internet!

High-Resolution Freaks on the Internet!

I look at a truckload of personal web pages. It’s a nice break from stalking people smaller than me and not working. On these pages, I find many, many, many people who enjoy uploading photos of themselves, friends and family. While I know it’s wrong to make fun of people who are much more displeasing to the eye than me (and I’m no Adonis, no matter what the throngs of screaming girls at my doorstep say), it’s still funny and makes everyone feel better about themselves. Except for the people I show. But what are the odds they’ll be reading this website? I’d say around 2:1.

My real problem with these people with their online photo galleries is that they make their photos way too goddamn huge. It’s kind of unrealistic to ask that everyone know the proper HTML code to resize pics, but I know for a fact that almost all digital cameras have a size selector built into the program. Also, any graphic viewer program will have a resize/resample selection.

The next six pages feature people who not only appear to be bred from mutants and drunken pirates, but are also RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. These photos may take a while to load, so if you’re on a modem, I pity you. Have fun, kidds!

I want to see the freaks!