High-Resolution Freaks on the Internet!

By Justin Rybinski

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I look at a truckload of personal web pages. Itís a nice break from stalking people smaller than me and not working. On these pages, I find many, many, many people who enjoy uploading photos of themselves, friends and family. While I know itís wrong to make fun of people who are much more displeasing to the eye than me (and Iím no Adonis, no matter what the throngs of screaming girls at my doorstep say), itís still funny and makes everyone feel better about themselves. Except for the people I show. But what are the odds theyíll be reading this website? Iíd say around 2:1.

My real problem with these people with their online photo galleries is that they make their photos way too goddamn huge. Itís kind of unrealistic to ask that everyone know the proper HTML code to resize pics, but I know for a fact that almost all digital cameras have a size selector built into the program. Also, any graphic viewer program will have a resize/resample selection.

The next six pages feature people who not only appear to be bred from mutants and drunken pirates, but are also RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. These photos may take a while to load, so if youíre on a modem, I pity you. Have fun, kidds!

I want to see the freaks!