The Vault

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What the hell is The Vault?

Well, I needed a place to put old/unfinished stories and other random shit, so here is where it will go. Nothing too thrilling here, but if you like the site, perhaps you'd enjoy some outtakes, like the shit they throw on DVDs today. Whenever I add something here, it'll appear on the blog, so check that out.


Oops!
8/4/03

When I was tidying up the site earlier today, I apparently deleted the column layout somehow. How this happened is baffling, and after an hour of trying to fix it, I decided to just leave it until I get the Verizon DSL hookup. Once that happens, I'll implement the new layout and this won't be a problem at all.

News and shit
8/4/03

As many of you may have noticed, I've done a really crappy job updating this site the last month. Let's face it, July sucked. Here's what's been keeping me down recently:

* The complete lack of reliable, fast internet.
The people next door moved out sooner than we had planned, and since we were getting our internet through them, we were cut down when they left. Various attempts to sign up for our own Verizon DSL connection have not been successful, for myriad reasons. We learned that in order to order Verizon DSL, you actually need to have Verizon as your main phone line. We decided to cancel our amazing, $19.99/month AT&T plan to acquire the cheapest thing Verizon had to offer ($31.99/month. Ack!). Unfortunately, our registration with Verizon apparently didn't take, as we STILL can't sign up for their DSL service. We're going on a full month with no internet, people, and it's not good.

* My ebay account was wrongfully suspended
Okay, I've done some crazy shit on ebay in my days, but I've kept my main "ryborg" name clean the past calendar year. I had a Dave Matthews Band shirt I found for a buck up for auction, and it got pulled because it was purportedly a bootleg shirt. Sorry, I'm not up on my DMB shirts. It honestly looked like a real shirt, but that wasn't good enough for the ebay assholes. So, because I was selling "potentially infringing items," I was suspended indefinitely. That's like handing a litterbug a death sentence. I sent ebay an email of appeal, but so far, no response. This cuts out a huge part of my income, so it looks like I'll be cranking out the VCD sales on yahoo auctions and potentially getting a "real" job. Who knows?

* The basement flooded.
Those who know me know I live in the basement of the apartment I rent. This has happened before (November), but I was promised a brand spankin' new sump pump, which was the cause of the floodings. So, I woke up and came downstairs to a nice puddle of water all over my floor, with the carpeting soaked through. After several angry attempts to get ahold of the landlord, she sent over the repair guy (her ex-husband). He said nothing was wrong with the sump pump and it was a fluke. When I responded with, "Um, shouldn't a new sump pump work all the time, especially only a few months after it's installed?" he came back with this classic line: "I never installed any new sump pump." Poor grammar aside, I hate being lied to, especially about drainage issues. All in all, I had to throw away three carpets, two full boxes of various ryborg paraphenalia, and several other important items. All because some cheap landlord wanted to save a couple bucks. Now she's going to HAVE to install a new sump pump. What's worse is...

* Rent went up $50.
It's still very cheap here ($550 a month for a four-bedroom, full apartment), but it's hard to swallow a rent increase when I just threw out several boxes of priceless memories. Because of this, I am looking into buying a house at a more fast-paced and serious way. For about the price of rent for another year and a half, I can own my own property in Buffalo, instead of just tossing my money away.

* My new computer never amounted to anything.
...So I'm going to return it for a refund. I hope they include shipping and handling, because that alone is over $50. This electronic mess never worked. I couldn't even get it to power up. I'm going to cut my losses and put the rest of the money into one of those amazing eMachines deals they have every week at Best Buy. At least there, I know I'm getting a working system.

However, all is not lost in the kingdom of ryborg. We'll be getting internet soon (probably), which means lots more updates and a new design. I have the entire site redesigned on my computer, which doesn't do any good, because it hasn't seen the internet in a month. I also have three full stories written, with pictures, all ready to go, including Lame AIM Profiles Volume 5. The new design of the site is a trillion bajillion times better. By better, I mean not better. And by not better, I mean "a complete affront to the human eye." Also, Chris just lent me some new Jhonen Vasquez comics I haven't seen yet, and seeing Dave Super for a week was hella clutch. Plus, I'm making stuffed shells right now. Holy crap, those are tasty.

Much thanks goes out to people who are passing the word out of this site! My hit count actually went up a lot in July, which doesn't make any sense, since there wasn't any new content. My new site layout will have a link section where I can link those who link me. It'll only cost you $22.99 a month to have your site listed! What a bargain!

Until the internet works again here, have a nice life and stuff.

That banner isn't lying
6/30/03

Yep, I'm actually in the process of completely re-doing the layout of this website. It'll be much easier to read and a trillion times easier to update for me. It'll be more graphic-based, so I pity you modem users. I imagine it'll be done sometime in the next three-four years.

I was checking the Site Stats when I noticed this banner ad at the top of the screen:

Outstanding.


Dollar store update!
5/18/03

The last update on the dollar store trip was probably the longest article I have written for this site so far. If you've read it on the 17th, you probably noticed a ton of grammar and layout errors. Basically, I didn't proofread anything until now, when I noticed a ton of verbs used in the wrong tense and idiot mistakes like that. I was in a huge rush when I was finishing it, which is why I rushed the article and wasn't able to talk when I sent the mass IM out to people alerting them of the update. It's all fixed now. Huzzah and shit.

I was at Denny's earlier tonight with a few friends, partially because famous pornographic producer Pete works there some weekends. We asked our waitress if a dishwasher named Pete was working. She didn't know offhand, and went in the back to investigate. A few seconds later, this incredibly filthy, hairy, disheveled old man walks out and starts looking around, probably because the waitress just told him some people were here for him. The moral of the story is to only show up at your friend's work when you know he's there so you don't get involved in awkward situations involving potentially homocidal old men.


WOW! Another massive update!
4/14/03

Actually, all I did was add a little graphic to the "IM Me!" link to most of the pages here. When I'm signed on to my radl0headx AIM name, you will see this .gif image: . When I am not signed on, you will see this image: .
Amazing, huh? I added this to every page I deemed worth of having it, even on websites not controlled by me. Stay tuned for Volume Five of lame AIM profiles...


That person is not me!
4/1/03

In regard to the latest bunch of emails/IMs received in recent weeks:
1) No, I do not know what the word "update" means.
2) No, I do not take back any statements made about people on this site because they are a friend of a friend of a friend of yours.
3) THAT PERSON WITH THE "...your new god" CAPTION IS NOT ME!!!!!! Millions upon millions of people (no one) have asked if that photo is of me. Christ, no. I'm much fatter, uglier and more terror-inducing.

Oh, and I will be updating in the next 36 hours. Guess what? Another AIM Profile page! Should be fun for all ages. I just realized that I didn't touch this page in the month of March. I blame the weather and that fucking stupid Corey Taylor (previously of Slipknot) song that goes "I wish I died instead of lived, a zombie hides my eyes." That's some excellent songwriting.


My ALoD is on Something Awful!
2/15/03

For those who don't know, Something Awful is one of about a dozen web pages actually worth going to. Each and every day, the writers choose an absolutely terrible webpage and mock it senseless. This is also known as the Awful Link of the Day (ALoD). Many of these webpages are sent in by loyal viewers. Two days ago, I sent them a horrible religious webpage called The Word of God. Much to my surprise, SA actually used the link for their Saturday update and gave thanks to yours truly for bringing the site to their attention. Outstanding.

This is almost as cool as when the early morning cartoon shows would read your birthday when you sent them the form your mom picked up from the supermarket as a kid. It's not tv, but SA is probably the funniest and most well-done comedy site on the internet right now. Go there now!


Our Internet Connection Blows
2/13/03

...Which is why I haven't posted in a while. Hell, I've barely been able to make myself useful on ebay. I'm going to pray to the Internet Gods (both of them) that Verizon will allow me to stay online enough to post items on ebay and update this site a little more. It's technically not our connection, as we jumped on to the DSL of our neighbors in July. We've never paid a dime for it, which is nice. I think it may get to the point where we need to pool our money together and get our own connection so we can bitch all we want when the connection dies. Enough bitching. Read the articles!


Dinosaur 4 Sale
1/30/03

Someone I know online pointed me to a website that lets people post ads for exotic pets for sale. Since I felt like acting like a third-grader, I put in my own ad for a dinosaur. His name is Sprinkles and he likes to eat tree bark.

See for yourself or

Go to the actual website.

If you go to the website, you'll see that I'm not the first person to make a mockery of their fine service. So far, I haven't gotten any responses.


Email Address Update
1/29/03

Just so everyone knows, I updated my email address to zapzapzapx@aol.com. I think I managed to fix every link on the article pages and elsewhere. If anyone finds an old link, let me know. I'm in the process of phasing out my radl0headx account. radl0headx remains my AIM name, though. I'm signed on almost all the time and I'm usually within 50 feet of my computer. Sad, huh?


Ebay search problem fixed (kinda)
1/12/03

I've been having problems searching on ebay for the longest time and I finally found the problem. I know I'm not alone with having this problem, so pass this word around to those also having trouble. It turns out there is a cookie issue that is effecting many users. Everything is explained right here much better than I could ever do here, so read on. It's a temporary solution until ebay completely fixes it. It took them over a month, but at least they admitted the problem was on their end, not ours. Finally, I can go back to searching for anime grasshopper porn.


RAID 2020 Update!
12/18/02

I just got an email from "llamaboy1688" that sheds some light on the RAID 2020 opening screen. It turns out it actually says this:

A.D. 2020. A PLAGUE OF NARCOTICS TRANCENDING THE BOUNDS OF RACE, ECONOMY, AND TIME HAVE PUT A STRANGLE HOLD ON AMERICA. YOU MUST DESTROY PITBULL, THE DRUG KINGPIN WHO HAS BECOME THE OVERLORD OF THIS SINISTER EMPIRE

YOU, SHADOW, ARE THE EARTH'S LAST HOPE!

I'm confused. I have a few questions. How does an inanimate object put a strangle-hold on America, or any other country, for that matter? Wouldn't the DEALERS be doing that? And is it really a "plague" of narcotics? Are the narcotics buzzing around, attacking people, killing millions? How is "Shadow" (if that is his real name) the Earth's last hope? I thought this was only taking place in America. Were the game designers really that jingoistic where they thought that America is the only country on Earth? How did a guy with the nickname "Pitbull" get to be the head of a drug ring? Okay, let's assume the dealers win this battle. So what if they're making millions off of cigarettes and marijuana? Wouldn't that be happening anyway? I'm just not seeing the connection between selling drugs and taking over the Earth. If anyone has any ideas, let me know.


"When Idiots IM You" or "Another Reason Not To Have a LiveJournal"
12/03/02

This is a dumb IM conversation some jackass had with ryborg ally Chris. Chris (Ain9el) was sitting at home, minding his own business, downloading his creepy goth porn, when this joker starts talking to him and asking him odd questions, like who he is. You'd think that he'd know, seeing as he started it. Who knows? Who cares? Plus, this conversation fills up a lot of room on the left side of my page, which is more important than anything right now. Enjoy! (you won't)

SXDarkKnightXS: hey
Ain9el: hello
SXDarkKnightXS: who r u?
Ain9el: um........ i was about to ask you the same question since you started this im and i dont know you
SXDarkKnightXS: ur on my friends list
SXDarkKnightXS: i dunno
Ain9el: i am?
SXDarkKnightXS: ya
Ain9el: huh
SXDarkKnightXS: im mark
SXDarkKnightXS: im in buffalo, NY
Ain9el: mark...... hmmm mark mark mark
Ain9el: where would i know you from?
SXDarkKnightXS: i dunno
SXDarkKnightXS: where r u from?
Ain9el: buffalo
SXDarkKnightXS: where do u go to school?
Ain9el: buff state
SXDarkKnightXS: o
SXDarkKnightXS: how is it?
Ain9el: sucky
Ain9el: how about you?
SXDarkKnightXS: Canisius college
SXDarkKnightXS: its ok
SXDarkKnightXS: hmmm........
SXDarkKnightXS: i found your livejournal
Ain9el: do you know an erin?
SXDarkKnightXS: lol
SXDarkKnightXS: a last name could help
Ain9el: ok do you know a guy nicknamed keysh
SXDarkKnightXS: no
SXDarkKnightXS: is he a freshman?
Ain9el: no he dated erin who goes to canisius
SXDarkKnightXS: ok?
Ain9el: no not really
SXDarkKnightXS: ill leave you alone now
SXDarkKnightXS: c ya
Ain9el: um. ok

If anyone wants to harrass "mark," feel free to do so. I have more important people to harrass.


I'm a scary, scary Goth Person. Welcome to my Gloomy Pit Of Gloom
11/22/02

I just found out that my vampire name is "Assface Mcge." I told the javascript quiz that my real name is "Assface McGee." Clearly, the lack of a second E in my last name makes me a vamp. Look at me, i'm goth. Wooooooooooo scary. Assface McGe all right. Click on the fooking link or i'll be forced to dye my hair black and get a scary tattoo.

The Fooking Link


Important New Retarded IM Profiles!
11/18/02

Seriously, these profiles/away messages hurt my brain so much, I can't even put it into words. See for yourself (click to enlarge):

Look in the dictionary for "funny." Then look below to the list of antonyms of "funny." Here, you will see a picture of this last IM window. As for the first one, if the lack of a quality meteor shower proves god exists and science is always wrong, I've been applying incorrect logic to every aspect of my life so far. You don't subscribe to science? Well, then get the fuck off of your computer. Stop going to the doctor and taking medicine. Don't even think about driving. Without science, you'd be living in a cave right now, throwing rocks at small animals to survive.

Conclusion: People are dumb, especially this one. More to come...

OOPS!! Somehow, the news files that would normally go right here have been deleted somehow. If I ever locate a backup copy, they will be reposted.

Fuck You, Yahoo! Games
8/29/02

Okay, as some of you know, I quite frequently play Yahoo! games, usually Literati (their shitty version of Scrabble), to unwind. Basically, when I'm online until 6 a.m., I'll end the night with a game or two of Literati. I've been playing for some time now, and I've attained a pretty good record. As a matter of fact, I have been on quite a win streak (44 games). Until today.
For some reason, I suckered myself into playing a game with a timer. I usually play where the only time rule is when three minutes pass and you still haven't made a move, the other person can force you to forfeit. Not a bad rule, especially when you're playing with ass-monkeys who can't form a word out of Wheel of Fortune letters (RSTLNE+other vowel). It's been a while since I've played a game with an official timer and I figured it wouldn't factor in at all--I'd probably wreck whoever it was I'd be playing anyways.
I was almost right. I started off pretty strong, using all of my letters to form "shindig" for a total of 55 points. I was up by over 100 very quickly. As we're playing, the timer is ticking and ticking, but no big deal yet. Eventually, we each have about a minute left on each of our timers and the number of available letters is dwindling. By the time we each are down to our last five letters, I have more than double what her score is. Of course, I'm stuck with shit letters, no vowels. The short time that is left passes and I have one letter left. So does she. Since my letter was a "C" and there was absolutely no place on the board for a C, I happily let time tick down, ready and waiting for the "You won!" screen to pop up.
It didn't. Instead, I got the "Nice try, but you suck at Yahoo! games and also at life" screen. Why? Yahoo changed their rules for timed games since the last time I've played. Basically, whosever's timer runs out first wins, no matter what the score is. The old rule was once a player's timer ran out, they could no longer place letter tiles and therefore, score any more points. While the person with no time left sits around, the person who does have time was free to place whatever tiles he had left, at his leisure, until his timer ran out as well. Those rules seemed fair. So now, with these new rules, all strategy is meaningless. As long as you can throw down a two-point word like "it" faster than the other person, you will win. What a joke. Apparently winning 312-144 is worthy of a mark in the Loss column.
Well, it's time for me to build up my winstreak again, versus deranged Australian midgets and British security guards (they are the only people who play when I play).
Don't you love reading reactionary bitch pieces? I know I do. Oh yah, I didn't spell-check this story either. How professional. Click here, or on any of the related pics, to see the full game screen as I was losing.


Gumby is a Liar
8/19/02

(This is something I wrote almost two years ago and posted to my trainwreck of a LiveJournal. It probably would have remained there, alone and forgotten, had it not been recently called to my attention by An Anonymous Visitor (!) earlier today. I apologize in advance for the lack of capitalization, punctuation and sentence structure.)

yah. ok. i was watching gumby earlier, and i noticed many, many inconsistencies and other issues that just have to be shouted out to the world.
first of all, in one scene, he's being tucked into bed by his parents as if he's four years old. he asks if he can go to the zoo the next day and his parents say he can if he's good. fine. we assume gumby is a pre-schooler of some sort. next scene. he's fucking driving. what the fuck??? and he's not alone. there's a fucking LION in the car with him. when in the hell did gumby have a lion friend?? he had pokey, that blue slut of a "girlfriend" and that dumbass yellow dinosaur. no fucking lions. no. no fucking way.
next episode. gumby wants cookies. he goes to the kitchen and finds out there are none left in the box. fine. there's no cookies left. i wont even go into why he didnt throw away the box when he finished them (gumby seems like a clean person). a couple seconds later, pokey sticks his nose in the box and starts eating cookies. am i alone in noticing this inconsistency?? eventually, pokey eats all the cookies that shouldnt be there and gumby decides to make a batch of homemade cookies. out of thin air, he makes a baking hat, an apron, and silverware appear of out thin air. that makes sense. if gumby has that power, why doesnt he simply make homemade cookies pop appear from nowhere?? ok, ok, maybe he just likes to cook. so be it. in that case, when he's not cooking, why doesnt he use his ability to solve world hunger or something useful to the rest of the world?? greedy bastard.
also, why does the fucker need to slide everywhere?? is he above walking?? he's not even wearing roller skates. i can understand if it was a newly polished kitchen floor and he was wearing socks. then he could slide. but when gumby slides on one leg on GRAVEL, it makes one wonder who dropped the ball on that one.
i've been a gumby watcher since i was seven, but constant inconsistencies make the show difficult to watch, even when the next best thing is behind the music featuring creed. awful.


More Denny's Hijinks
8/8/02

Yep, he did it again. After a noble attempt to try to hook one of his guy friends up with one of his many girl friends, Chris made yet another mess at Denny's.
Using the usual ingredients, Chris created something even Keith couldn't cringe at. Clearly, he has made the most out of his many, many, many, many, many year stay in the Buff State art program. Those degrees don't just grow on trees like the ones from St. Bonaventure--you gotta earn your Buff State diploma, er, degree. Maybe some day he'll get one.
It's a shock that we haven't been kicked out of Denny's yet. Every time we go, we're loud, unruly, and we make slovenly messes that only a two-year-old would be proud of. Tonight, I cleverly told Chris to spell something out with Sweet 'N' Low in the mess. Even more cleverly, he chose the word "whore." To add to the hilarity, he finished it off with an arrow, pointing to whomever was clearly the whore of the moment. Brilliant!
We're not sure if tonight's mess was caused by single girls sitting at our table or the fact that we found bite marks on the dessert menu. I don't really know how bite marks on a menu directly coincides with the amount of mess a person makes. I just wanted to mention that someone was idiotic enough to take a bite out of the dessert menu. Surprisingly, it wasn't anyone from our party of six. I wonder how many thousands of unwashed hands, covered in mucous and other general filth, have touched that. Add me to that list, whatever you do.
I will be doing a full story on our famous Denny's messes sometime in the very near future for all of you curious kids out there. I have a ton of good pics which are just begging to be put into an html document and who am I to stop their dreams?
Oh, just to add to the artsiness of it all, Chris added some cigerette butts to the final project. I thought he was going to cry when it was time to leave and he had to say goodbye to the greatest thing he had ever created. Enjoy!

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