By Justin Rybinski
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All this week, everyone here made a concerted effort to clean up our craphole of an apartment. The biggest offender was the basement, where some stuff in storage became moldy and disgusting from the wet winter. Also, the litter box was overflowing, which is always a fun time to clean. All in all, we disposed of several boxes of moldy trash, one box completely full with cat shit, one desk chair broken in half and two or three boxes of random dust, lint, and hair we swept up during our cleaning binge. Since today was garbage day, we took it out to the front of the yard. No big deal, right?
Well, some people decided we were throwing out ancient Egyptian scrolls or something, because earlier today, a 40-ish couple were going through our garbage. Not just skimming the surface to see if we were tossing away potential valuables, but Actually Going Through Each And Every Box! We were all in the living room watching Simpsons when it happened (they were not being subtle about it at all) and I took the time to get some pics of them digging through mold and cat feces.
They started by going through the mold box. Here, I had thrown out some old magazines and Magic cards that were destroyed beyond all recognition. I cannot even begin to write a hyperbole-filled metaphor about the smell. Yes, it was that bad. You'd think this box would have sent our happy couple packing, but no. No sir-ee bob.
Drifting apart, the woman is STILL checking out the filth boxes, while the man is seeing if the chair stands a chance of repair. If he knows how to fix a chair that is split down the center in two pieces, more power to him. At least he eventually moves on to other things, while she continues to touch moldy box contents.
Keep in mind these photos are taken over a span of about seven minutes. They really inspected the hell out of these boxes. It was starting to get really sad, if that's at all possible. Here is a pleasant shot of their asses in the air, the woman with "plumber ass."
This is my favorite pic of them all. The woman finally finishes looking through the mold boxes to find a box packed to the brim with cat shit. In the wild world of garbage picking, you win some, you lose some. I guess for every box of baseball cards you find, you have to go through ten boxes of shit. Such is life…
I can't tell if I'm being flipped off here or not. They did not try to hide the fact that they were garbage picking the entire time. I made eye contact with the man on several occasions while snapping the photos. He didn't seem to care. The woman may have, however.
My question from this experience is this: Is it wrong to intentionally put out hilariously disgusting garbage out in box form every Thursday just because I know some pitiful member of my neighborhood will plunder it? My answer, until I am sued for improperly disposing of acid, is yes, yes it is okay.
My last article involved me trying on the Sonic Halloween costume. As you remember, it didn't work out so well, as 6'7 guys tend to not fit in child-size small outfits. However, "other roommate" Josh has a comically tiny frame and was able to fit right in. Here are the pics:
No, Josh is not wearing adult diapers (not this day, at least). The costume really was that tight on him. No, the SE-93 is not part of the costume.
That's probably the scariest picture I think I've ever seen. No, wait, this is:
Recently, "the sexy roommate" Chris sent me these screenshots of his Kazaa program. I don't understand what is going on here. Apparently, he was uploading a file, and it just kept on going and going. If anyone has any clue as to what the fuck is happening here, drop me a line. Until someone does, I'm going to assume Chris has a Kazaa-only virus from all that porn he downloads. Check it out:
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